Have you ever felt like your faith was strong enough to save someone only to find your dreams crushed? I have.

I come from a big family and I have always wanted a big family myself. When asked how many kids I want, the honest answer is as many as my husband will allow. Then I want to adopt.

I love being a mom. Being pregnant always came easily to me. I love the feel of a growing belly and all the first moments. I love imagining what the baby will look like then God blowing my mind, making them even more beautiful.

So when I found out I was pregnant after a miscarriage the month before I was so excited. I recorded K reading a handwritten note letting him know the news. I told my parents and I hung a frame on the “grandchild wall” at my parent’s house. We were having a baby! I was determined to grow this baby in love not fear so I boldly shared the news with my friends confident that everything would be okay.

On Wednesday, July 25th while on the phone with my friends I felt it. The first sign that I was going to lose the baby. I got off the phone woke up my mom and asked her to take me to the hospital. We waited, the doctors ran tests, then they apologized for my loss and sent me on my way. I was losing the baby. I stopped bleeding once we left the hospital. I stayed in bed for three days. There was Hope.

I kept being reminded of the scripture in John 11:35 Jesus wept. In this passage, Jesus friend Lazarus died the situation was beyond hope. Jesus wept. Then Jesus raised His friend from the dead. I took this as confirmation that Jesus would save the baby.

The kids prayed over my womb and did all they could to keep my tears at bay. This was a side of them I hadn’t seen much of. They got to take care of mommy. They wanted the baby too and they did their best to help K take care of me. July 28th, Saturday morning we went in to have my blood tested I couldn’t wait any longer. They were going to tell me the good news. The baby was fine!

The doctor comes in reads my test results and says, “Your numbers have dropped substantially. I am so sorry, you are losing the baby.” I was so confused. What do you mean? If my numbers were dropping I should have been bleeding. Right? I should have had some sign. The numbers dropped right into the range of low normal for the number of weeks I was. So there may be Hope. Right?

There was that scripture again, “Jesus wept.”

Sunday, July 29 I lost the baby. I was home. I was with my husband and mother and as I held this tiny precious Hope in my hands. That’s what we named the baby, Hope.

I was so mad! This was the first time in a long time I could remember being mad at God. I did all the right things. I prayed! I had faith! I stayed positive! I had Hope! I know there are songs that say, “if God never does anything else for me He has already done enough.” I know I am supposed to say, “All things work together for good.” At that moment I was just crushed.

Jesus wept. I wept.

I needed clarity, understanding, some closure. Something!

This is what I got. Jesus wept, meant Jesus knew my heartbreak. Jesus wept, meant I wasn’t in it alone. Jesus wept, meant He could have but He didn’t. And it was ultimately for His glory.

Jesus could have prevented Lazarus from dying but didn’t. He chose instead to let him die, then raised him from the dead. I don’t know what is going to raise out of this situation, but I do know that it will be for the glory of God. God is sovereign.

My Hope is no longer in me. Hope cannot be based on my actions or my faith. When I think of the situation now, I remember an old song, “My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus love and righteousness, I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus name.”

I am at peace, and I know that something wonderful will be.

**I felt bad for grieving because I already have three healthy, beautiful, children but my loss was, in fact, a loss. If you are grieving and in need of a safe space to share your story, you found one. Feel free to leave it in the comments below.**

Well the cat’s out the bag! K got a promotion and we are moving to beautiful San Diego. This means two things for you

1. Our in-person class on Living Your Purpose Today will be postponed.

2. The class will now be offered as a webinar series! Be sure to subscribe here at at leeanahjames.com for the latest details.

**If you registered for the class your refund has been issued.**

We are so excited to move and will be documenting our move and sharing it with you on our podcast. We are also collecting footage for our YouTube channel which we are hoping to relaunch in a few months.

This is such a busy, big, exciting adventure we are embarking on. We cannot wait to share it with you. If you think of us, pray for us!

 

It’s 9:24 p.m. on a Tuesday and I am tapped out.

My grace cup is empty.

At this point, I spent the day being Wife, Mom, Auntie, caretaker, dishwasher, waitress, daughter, and more.

I’m snappy, irritable, and frustrated.

I have deadlines that are quickly approaching and little desire to meet them.

This is not like me.

This feeling of apathy is a result of my grace cup being empty.

I have a grace cup.

This is the cup from which I pour my love.

My don’t worry about it,

…they probably didn’t mean it that way

My these kids are only going to be little for so long.

My he really needs me to support him right now and not vent about my day.

This is the cup from which I pour my kisses for boo-boos

…and kisses for love.

This is a cup from which I pour my understanding of the disease,

…and mediating yet another seemingly insignificant argument.

This cup is running dry.

 

There are times and seasons in my life where it seems as if this cup is attached to a never-ending spring.

Where it is connected to an automatic refill button that allows me to continually walk-in strength and joy and love.

My grace cup during the season sometimes feel like a pool, a lake, dare I say ocean.

I have people stop and compliment me on how patient I am with my children rather than the behavior

of my children which causes me again to pour grace from my grace cup.

My grace cup is also for me. I pour it on myself when I’m too exhausted to say, “Yes.”

I pour it on me when no, is the only answer yet it leads to disappointment sometimes even my own.

Then there are seasons where my grace cup is depleting faster than it can be filled.

When it feels like a cup, a teacup.

I get stingy with it.

Like I’m running out and I won’t have enough.

I’m parched, I thirst for it but I don’t want to sip too much,

lest I run out because someone may need some grace.

It evaporates like steam from the pressures of self.

By myself.

To myself.

For myself.

It is during this time I am reminded that my grace cup can only be disconnected by me.

My grace cup is never left behind,

but it can be moved.

My grace cup dries from lack of study,

… meditation,

…and prayer.

The remedy is simple

…but difficult.

It requires space, time, and peace.

This peace does not necessarily come from silence,

it does come from being in an environment of total freedom.

For me, that is through my pen.

It’s through being in His presence and writing what I hear,

see,

smell,

taste,

touch.

It’s observing and absorbing.

It’s the acts of empathy in the form of compassion for myself.

Excuse me as I refill my cup.

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

When can you tell your grace cup is getting low? How do you re-fill your grace cup?

 

Be sure to sign up for a free kids activity here.

 

 

I am so excited to announce we have officially launched the Melanin Taught Podcast. Our schedule is set to release new episodes on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesdays. We will be talking about all things homeschool related. Everything from school schedules to racism. If you have some topics you want us to weigh in on. Drop a message in the comments and look out your question may be featured. Click one of the links below to listen and subscribe.

 

 

I hope you enjoy it! Be sure to like, comment, and share!

I arrived at the Ontario Convention Center around noon on a Thursday to set up my booth. There were tons of vendors who were doing the same. It was really cool to walk through and see what everyone had to offer. There was one booth in particular that caught my eye Lux Blox (In fact look out for a review on them soon).   I quickly stopped by and promised I would be back. I later went back to get the Super Sampler but now know I should have gone with the bigger package.

When setting up my booth I had three sections I wanted to focus on:

1. Products
2. Mom Card Project
3. Brown Bag Project

Book sales were my priority because they are the bread and butter for my business. I sold my book How to Lead with Emotional Intelligence and took pre-orders for my new release How to Lead Teens with Emotional Intelligence. I found that many parents preferred to buy my book for leaders and share the information with their teens rather than wait for the pre-sale to come out in August. The book sales were great. I had the opportunity to pray with readers and I had one lady open the book, read, a page and burst into tears. I love seeing peoples lives touched by what God has shared with me.

I also started taking sign-ups for an in-person class I am teaching geared towards helping people discover their purpose. All in all, product sales were really good.

The Mom Card Project brought a lot of people to the booth and gave moms an opportunity to connect with one another after the convention. It was so beautiful to see moms pour their hearts out via pen.

Encouraging other moms to keep going and reminding them they are not alone.

 

 

Lastly, the Brown Bag Project was really cool. Kids loved coloring brown paper bags to fill up and give to the homeless. There is a wonderful lady at my church who has a homeless ministry. The decorated bags will be passed on her and her team.

 

This convention I taught on Emotional Intelligence. My class had a great turn out. I had some technical difficulties at the beginning with the convention centers equipment but they sent someone in to work out the kinks and it turned out all right.

Another cool booth that caught my eye was a financial services company called Revolution Financial Management. First, this family is so loving. The love of God just oozes off them, Second, they know their stuff. K attended a class they taught on generational financial security and got a card to meet up with them.

The final booth I want to mention is Money Muchkids. I met the creator and founder Victoria who is committed to empowering and educating children through her curriculum. This program is designed to teach kids about money and the younger they learn the more comfortable they are with money in the future. I want my kids to make wise choices so I would rather they make a bunch of money mistakes now, with fake money,

If you are looking to be a vendor at this conference the traffic was pretty slow compared to the convention in Texas. If you are looking to attend this conference to shop the slow traffic may appeal to you giving you time to stop and chat with the vendors and not feel rushed. This also may equate to smaller class sizes giving you the opportunity to ask questions.

If you went to the convention what was your favorite booth and why?

Be sure to like, follow, share and subscribe!

 

Every time I speak at a conference where there are booths I try to do something to make my booth stand out so people will stop and chat. Last conference I had a cultural diversity activity for the kids because I taught on cultural diversity. This conference I will be teaching Emotional Intelligence so the activities at my will be geared towards emotional health. The kids will be able to design paper bags for a small group ministry at my church and the moms will get to participate in the Mom Card Project. The information below was taken from the homepage of the project leeanahjames.com/momcardproject. If you and your friends decide to participate please send your pictures there so they can be featured on the site.

The Mom Card Project is a way to encourage the mothers of your community, church or tribe. “Mom” is defined as a woman who supports, loves, and cares for a child in their community. This can cover aunts, cousins, friends and even teachers. Participating in the Mom Card Project is simple.

You will need the following.

1. Stamps
2. Envelopes
3. Cards
4. Markers and pens
5. Stickers (Optional but very cute!)
6. Basket or bowl

Step one: Gather the girls! It is always fun to have food, drinks, and snacks. This is an activity I like to do at events such as baby showers or retreats. It is and should be a side activity not the main focus of the event otherwise everyone is standing around wondering what the others in the group are writing.

Step two: Write it out! Have each person as they are entering the gathering write their address on a stamped envelope and place it in the basket.

Step three: Express yourself! Each person should then write a heartfelt not in one of the cards. Feel free to decorate the card with stickers or drawings. It may seem corny but little touches may make a difference to the mom who reads it.

Step four: Choose wisely! Once the card is complete pick an envelope out of the basket, and insert the card. If you are hosting encourage participants not to look at whose envelope they choose.

Step five: Send it off! Place all the cards in the mailbox and so they reach their destinations.

Step six: Snap a picture! When you get your card post it on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter using #momcardproject #leeanahjames (Don’t worry we don’t need to read the note.)

I will be picking participants weekly and featuring their pictures on this post.

Have fun!

Do you listen to podcasts? There are some great people out there who have a lot of awesome things to say. It’s pretty fun to be able to refer back to an episode to find the information that you’re looking for. Well, Melanin Taught is launching a podcast!

There are already some episodes in the pipeline waiting to be published but did you know the average podcast series stops at 10 episodes!

I am not a quitter so I want to set this up to succeed before it starts the only way I can do that is with your help. So, what are things that you would like to hear about on our homeschool podcast?

Make sure to like, follow and subscribe to be the first to know when we release them.

*You can find our podcast here.

On Friday, March 18, 2018, I went to the Start Loving You Conference in San Diego. I reached out to them a few weeks prior looking for information on becoming a speaker. Their roster was set but they invited me to come down and enjoy the conference. I took them up on that offer and made the two-hour drive from my home to the beautiful coast.

The conference was held at the Marriot Marquis in San Diego. Finding parking was pretty easy. I opted to park in the garage on-site since I was traveling alone (Safety first!). When I walked in I found concierge and they pointed me in the right direction. I was about 5 minutes late so my first contact coming in was a vendor. Maria from Soiree by Ria. She was so sweet she invited me in to sit with her. Her picture wall embodied the spirit of the event and people were lining up to take pictures throughout the day.

So I sat down, opened my heart and was ready to truly hear what these brilliant women would share. The first speaker was Angel Fiorini. She talked about what it means to be a hero. This woman ran into her burning home to save her daughter. She then had to be rescued by a passerby who noticed her home was on his way home. Her story showed such bravery, strength, and self-awareness. She challenged us to examine the titles placed upon us and define them for ourselves. She was a hero and though she had a hard time accepting it, she came to embody that very attribute. You can hear her amazing story here.

The next speaker was Kristen Hewitt. She spoke to us from a vulnerable, transparent, intimate place. She shared personal struggles that come with deep desire and longing. Kristen challenged us to face our fears and be brave in order to chase the very things we want. She was raw and bold. Fearless and moving. Reminding us to be gracious because unseen battles often come with unseen battle scars.

Before attending this event I’d never heard of the START brand and now I can’t get enough! Kristy Dickerson was the life-changing speaker for me. She explained how she started START Planner and as she was speaking a light bulb went off. I realized a few things listening to her.

1. I’m on the right track. She discussed habits and attributes that she developed in the process of being an entrepreneur. All the ones she mentioned, I have been working on. I am not where she is in terms of business success yet but it was encouraging to find I am on the right track.
2. START NOW! I am a “ducks in a row” kind of person. Kristy inspired me to put myself out there and let my business hold me accountable. As a result, I have 4 projects launching in the next 3 months. Scary? A little. Empowering? Definitely!
3. Delegate. I am working on this. Listening to Kristy let me know I can delegate whole business systems and the success of my future projects depends on this.
4. Grind. I already grind but it is always great to see someone else living the results of their grind.

Next up was Laura Kyttannen. She spoke on defining success. This woman left a lucrative career she in which she was unfulfilled to follow her heart’s passion. Now she helps others find and follow their hearts song. She gave us an amazing vision board activity and set us on a path the seeing our dreams realized.

Cat + Nat, moms, vloggers, and social media sensations came in with a bang. They had mimosa’s for everyone and for those of us who don’t drink they provided straight OJ in pretty champagne glasses. These two spoke on their rise to fame and turning a hobby into a career. It was amazing to hear these women speak of the other women who help them on their journey. They embodied women helping women shine.

After some funny and fun group pictures and boomarangs, it was time for lunch. We had the option of a simple box lunch that was provided or going off-site. I didn’t want to be late for the next segment so I opted for the box lunch and I am glad I did. They had a vegan wrap that was delicious.

After lunch, we got to participate in a service project making Blessing Bags for Live Love Works. Can I just say that I truly admire the fact that these women made blessing others a focal point and priority of this conference!

This seems like a long day but at this point, I still had tons of energy because the speakers were so great!

Vanessa Quigley of ChatBooks came with her sisters and they shared how they cope with the struggles of motherhood. There were tears and it was beautiful.

Shasta Nelson was the last speaker she came up and blew our interpretations of what loneliness looks like to Timbuktu. She broke down the 5 Circles of Friendship as defined in her book and challenged us to examine which circle was lacking. Everyone left with tools to become better friends.

I can’t even get into the awesomeness that was the swag bag. This picture from Start Loving You says it all!

All in all, it was a great conference. I look forward to next year! They haven’t set a place yet but follow Start_Loving_You on IG for updates.

*I did not personally hear Thursday nights speakers but fellow attendees said they were great! My phone died during the event so all the photos are marked and their owners tagged. Be sure to follow these blogs and IG accounts you will not be disappointed!

Photocred

instagram.com/kimpilchercoach

instagram.com/girlfriendsguidetoworkplay

instagram.com/vanessaquigley

instagram.com/startplanner

instagram.com/start_loving_you

instagram.com/alexclarkphoto

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