I was growing a weed. I am not saying that a weed sprouted up alongside my plants I am saying I watered, tended to and actively grew…a weed. In an effort to grow some peppers and cucumbers from seed I mistook this innocent looking weed as the start of a pepper or even a cucumber plant.
Let me back up a bit a weed as defined by a gardening friend as a plant you did not intend to plant, growing. In other words, this was a weed because it was not bearing and would not bear the fruit I intended it to.
You know God showed me myself. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such, there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 I had to stop, meditate, and examine my fruit. I was not actively watering plants that would lead to this fruit. In my absentminded apathy, I’d begun to water and nurture some weeds.
I’d begun to compare my actual husband to my perfect imaginary husband. The fruit was frustration and bitterness. My kids were too much. Too loud. Too busy. Too kid-like. The fruit was impatience. I was too busy to read the word, too busy to take time to hear from God, too busy to be grateful. The fruit was sternness.
I’d realized what I was doing by examining the fruit of my weeds. I was taking time, energy, and intention to care for these weeds. My husband was not going to get away with not meeting the impossible standard set in my mind. My kids were going to learn to act like 30 maybe 40 years olds with good sense instead of the 6, 4, and 1 year old they are. I was going to look like I had a lot going on even IF God intended I be still after all I need to keep up appearances.My weeds were bearing fruit and they needed to be uprooted.
The next part was simple. Repentance.
God uproot these weeds! I had to intentionally pull every one of them. When I started to day dream about what perfect husband would say or do. I replaced that thought for the gratitude of what actual husband did. When I started to get impatient with the kids I would try to savor the moment and appreciate the innocent way they see the world and I would be intentional. I would be intentional in my spiritual growth. I would seek out Gods presence and study His word. When I failed at this…I would repent again because a garden full of weeds is not an option.